Why wait until you are married to have Sex?
I recently watched a YouTube video about empires that are in decline. It was a historical lesson that listed all of the characteristics that were present immediately before the collapse of the large empires of the past. I had heard similar discussions before and many of the same characteristics were mentioned: loss of value in a debased currency, extreme government debt, large disparity between the poor and the rich, etc., but this time they mentioned something I hadn’t heard before that was somewhat surprising: people have an obsession with sex. Of course, the point they were making was that the United States had all of the characteristics that were historically present just before an empire went into severe decline or collapse.
Would you agree that the United States has an obsession with sex? Maybe you haven’t thought about it. Maybe we all have become so programmed and brainwashed by the constant bombardment of sexually explicit television, movies, music, advertisements, education, and the activities that surround us every day that we are unaware of how obsessed we have become. Our hearts have become hardened and our consciences have been scarred.
My observation has been that the decline of morality with regards to sex is happening rapidly at an exponential rate. Perverse things that were unheard of a decade ago are common place now. For example, displays of homosexual or lesbian sexual encounters are becoming common in the mainstream shows and movies, and are presented as being cool and chic.
I was very saddened and upset when I recently read an account of a young lady who was brave enough to disclose in her public blog that she was a virgin, but that it was a cause for her to be insecure and shamed. She felt that some of her friends and acquaintances would shame her because of her choice to be a virgin. She also felt that when she would finally meet her soul mate, that he could possibly be taken back or upset because she was a virgin.
It is completely absurd to me and I can’t even imagine that a man would be disappointed to find out that the woman that he has fallen in love with is a virgin. When I was a young man and had fallen in love with a young lady, I wished that she was a virgin, and also wished that I was a virgin! How sad it is that for someone who has chosen to follow God’s plan and do what is righteous and correct, that they would be made to feel like an outcast or an oddball. It is very sad that the moral integrity of our society has deteriorated so greatly. Truly the Scripture has been fulfilled that states that good will be seen as evil and evil will be seen as good.
The special intimacy that is associated with sexual intercourse should be preserved for you and your spouse only. It should be cherished and held in high esteem by you both for as long as you live. It is most valued when marriage is entered into with both bride and groom being virgins!
My mother was born in 1930, so she was a teenager in the mid to late 1940’s. She has told me that she and every female friend that she knew at that time were virgins. To this day (she is now 86 years old), the only man that she has ever had sexual relations with was my father, her husband. I see this as very honorable and righteous, and I know that she has absolutely no regrets about this! How far we have come in the last 70 years or so!
There is a direct correlation between our society’s obsession with sex with the accompanying sexual promiscuity, and the destruction of the family unit. There have been countless teenage pregnancies resulting in single parent families and the problems that accompany that situation. There has been a dramatic rise in the divorce rate that I believe is in large part due to sex related issues such as infidelity, the use of pornography, or a poor sexual relationship between spouses. There have been millions and millions of abortions, that I believe to be the murder of innocent unborn humans, and that they have caused psychological damage to millions of women that have impacted their view of sex and therefore their marriage relationship.
God’s directions and His guidance are for our own good. He knows what is best for us, and His laws have a purpose. Disregarding His laws will have consequences as we will reap what we have sown.
I am writing this so that my Christian brothers and sisters, especially if you are young, can clearly see the value of God’s way to wait until marriage before having any sexual activity. As difficult as this may be in our current society, it will be a worthwhile investment in your future and more specifically in your future life together with your spouse.
As Biblical Christians, although we are deeply saddened and disappointed by the moral demise of our culture here in the west, it is not unexpected, since the Scriptures warn us of these things occurring in the last days:
“But know this, that in the last days perilous times will come: For men will be lovers of themselves, lovers of money, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, unloving, unforgiving, slanderers, without self-control, brutal, despisers of good, traitors, headstrong, haughty, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having a form of godliness but denying its power.” 2 Timothy 3:1-5
As Christians we must also stand for what we know to be right and pleasing to God, no matter what the rest of the world thinks or no matter what pressure our peers put upon us. This may require facing persecution in many forms, but we must remain strong.
Let’s look closer at the major reasons why waiting is best.
The first and most obvious reason is that all sexual encounters between a male and a female have the potential to end in a pregnancy. There is no such thing as a 100% fool-proof birth control method. Once sexual activity begins with a couple, it is likely to continue and become more frequent, increasing the potential for a pregnancy to occur. The high percentage of teenage pregnancies and abortions in our society is a confirmation that birth control isn’t a guaranteed prevention of pregnancy.
It should be the privilege of every newborn human being to come into this world with an established family in place, with two loving parents who are committed to one another for the rest of their lives and who are committed to raising and nurturing their children through childhood into adulthood. A child’s home should be like an earthly heaven for them. Following God’s plan of refraining from sex until the family nucleus is established is the best way to guarantee this loving environment will exist for all newborns.
The second major reason is a spiritual one and therefore non-tangible, yet very real non-the-less. The Bible reveals that there is a special, spiritual union between a man and women that occurs during sexual intercourse, where the “two become one flesh”. The apostle Paul, in his letter to the Corinthians, under the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, warns the Corinthian Christians that as members of Christ (i.e. spiritually united with Christ) they should not then be united with a harlot or prostitute. Here is the full context:
“Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ? Shall I then take the members of Christ and make them members of a harlot? Certainly not! Or do you not know that he who is joined to a harlot is one body with her? For ‘the two,’ He says, ‘shall become one flesh.’ But he who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with Him. Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body.” 1 Corinthians 6: 15-18
The union that occurs during sexual relations is very real and very deep. Therefore, when this union happens outside of marriage, the inevitable separation is extremely painful. Those who feel that they are not impacted have only made themselves impenetrable because they have hardened their hearts into an unhealthy state. Some, as a result of experiencing the pain of this separation after their being sexually united, vow to never allow themselves to enter into the same deep love again, so they harden their heart. Sadly, this callous-hearted approach to relationships is unhealthy and causes damage, even when they eventually enter into a marriage. Let me spell this out clearly: if you choose to enter into a lifestyle that includes casual sexual intercourse outside of marriage, you will be forced to harden your heart. This hardening of your heart is unhealthy and abnormal, and not what God intended for us.
My final reason is very simple and straight forward: God requires of His children to refrain from sexual activity outside of marriage. Period! If you are a child of God, then you must be obedient to His commands. The Scriptures are very clear that fornication (sex outside of marriage) is forbidden and is a serious transgression. Here are some supporting Scriptures from the New Testament:
“Therefore I have reached the decision that we should not trouble those Gentiles who are turning to God, but we should write to them to abstain only from things polluted by idols and from fornication…” Acts 15: 19-20
“Therefore God also gave them up to uncleanness, in the lusts of their hearts, to dishonor their bodies among themselves, who exchanged the truth of God for the lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. For this reason God gave them up to vile passions. For even their women exchanged the natural use for what is against nature. Likewise also the men, leaving the natural use of the woman, burned in their lust for one another, men with men committing what is shameful, and receiving in themselves the penalty of their error which was due. And even as they did not like to retain God in their knowledge, God gave them over to a debased mind, to do those things which are not fitting; being filled with all unrighteousness, sexual immorality, wickedness, covetousness, maliciousness; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, evil-mindedness; they are whisperers, backbiters, haters of God, violent, proud, boasters, inventors of evil things, disobedient to parents, undiscerning, untrustworthy, unloving, unforgiving, unmerciful; who, knowing the righteous judgment of God, that those who practice such things are deserving of death, not only do the same but also approve of those who practice them.” Romans 1: 24-32
“Now these things became our examples, to the intent that we should not lust after evil things as they also lusted. And do not become idolaters as were some of them. As it is written, ‘The people sat down to eat and drink, and rose up to play.’ Nor let us commit sexual immorality, as some of them did, and in one day twenty-three thousand fell; nor let us tempt Christ, as some of them also tempted, and were destroyed by serpents; nor complain, as some of them also complained, and were destroyed by the destroyer. Now all these things happened to them as examples, and they were written for our admonition, upon whom the ends of the ages have come.” 1 Corinthians 10: 6-11
“Now the works of the flesh are evident, which are: adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lewdness…” Galatians 5: 19
“But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints;” Ephesians 5:3
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;” 1 Thessalonians 4:3
“..as Sodom and Gomorrah, and the cities around them in a similar manner to these, having given themselves over to sexual immorality and gone after strange flesh, are set forth as an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.” Jude 1:7
For those of us who have already stumbled on this (including myself), we are thankful that there is forgiveness and restoration through Jesus. It is never too late to turn from sin and God is able to give you what is needed to be victorious, and to restore what has been damaged. Remember also that the root of the problem is in our thoughts, in our minds, and in our desires. We must deal with our inner man and control our strong desires.
I hope that this information has strengthened the resolve of those who have chosen to remain pure until marriage, and maybe the Lord would even use this to convince some to choose the better path of remaining a virgin. If even one person is encouraged or convinced, it would be well worth it to me, even though I realize that this topic is unpopular and may turn many readers off because of its “political incorrectness”.
For parents, maybe this will give you some information to share with your children as they must also decide on their lifestyle. There is a great challenge in abstinence from sex since all current forces and influences in our society are contrary to righteousness in this area.
Remain strong and steadfast and be encouraged that Jesus will come and bring His reward with Him for those who are faithful. This world will get worse and worse and I will not be surprised if we get closer and closer to the state of Sodom and Gomorrah, resulting in an increase in persecution for those who are faithful to the truth.
“Yes, and all who desire to live godly in Christ Jesus will suffer persecution.” 2 Timothy 3:12